My First, My Last, My Everything
by sue273
Summary: Jasper was everything to Edward - he just couldn't admit it to the rest of the world. And now Jasper was tired of waiting.
1. Chapter 1

**Dammit - I know I should be updating 'Always' and 'I Could Always Make You', but I had this scene in my head this morning and just had to write it down. And I know I said I wouldn't write any more angst, but …**

**My First, My Last, My Everything**

"So, that's it? You're breaking up with me?" Edward choked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Looks like it," Jasper tried to say with conviction and without breaking down or scooping Edward into his arms where he belonged.

Edward took a hesitant step nearer to Jasper. He couldn't believe how this conversation had gone downhill so rapidly. "Just give me a little more time." He actually felt like he was begging now.

"I've given you more time. Four years to be precise," Jasper snapped back, blinking away treacherous tears that were already forming.

"You said, you'd give me all the time I needed because you loved me."

This was true and now Jasper was going back on his words. Was he finally resorting to blackmail?

"So how much longer do you think you'll need before you can admit you love me to our friends, that we are together and that you are gay?"

Jasper's patience had been severely tested over the past few months. They had been secret lovers since meeting at college and had been living together since they started work just over a year ago. To their friends and family they only admitted to being buddies who shared an apartment. Nothing more. Jasper had confided only in Emmett, but had made him swear not to breathe a word to anyone else. Deep down, he wished Emmett had outed them both, although he probably would never have forgiven himself for betraying Edward's trust if that had happened.

"Give me a few more … months," Edward offered pathetically, knowing full-well he was just trying to buy himself more time.

Jasper was tired of keeping their loving behind closed doors. He wanted their relationship to be open and truthful. He wanted the world to know how much Edward meant to him. He'd had enough of covering up, of near misses and of telling 'little white lies' to keep his feelings hidden from everyone but Edward.

"So what exactly are you frightened of, Edward?" Jasper said glaring at him, his eyes wide open for fear of betrayal. "You never really told me. Your parents seem pretty easy going and our friends don't seem to have an issue with gay relationships. What do you think will happen if you come out?"

Edward shook his head. He didn't really know the reason himself. Fear of ridicule and scorn, perhaps. The look of disappointment he expected to see in his parents' eyes. Lack of promotion or job prospects. Hell, what could he say?

"Perhaps, you just don't love me enough." Jasper knew this was not true, but he'd started this and he was determined to force Edward one way or the other. His hands were shaking because he feared what Edward would decide.

"Jasper, I love you more than anything." Edward's voice echoed his true feelings. "You know I do."

Jasper shrugged. Why couldn't Edward admit this to other people?

'If you want, we can still be friends," Jasper offered meekly, although he didn't have a clue how that would work out between them.

"Do you honestly think I could be in the same room as you and not want you, or not show how I feel towards you?" Edward replied desperately.

"You do now," Jasper returned cruelly. "We pretend we are just best buddies in front of our friends and family. You don't hold me or kiss me or even touch me in public, so what difference will it make to us?"

Blinking away the moisture in his eyes, Edward persevered. "What about when we are alone?"

"It might be best just to see each other in the company of our friends in future. They won't know any different." Jasper hoped they wouldn't all think he was miserable due to girlfriend troubles.

"Are you moving out then?" Edward said feebly, collapsing down on the couch where they'd spent so many hours cuddling and making out.

"Yeah, I think it would be for the best. I'll crash at Emmett's place until I find somewhere else to stay." Jasper sat on the edge of the couch as far away from Edward as possible. He really didn't want to leave.

Rubbing his hands nervously together, Edward asked, "Have you already arranged to stay with Emmett?"

"No. I didn't know this conversation was going to happen today," Jasper replied truthfully.

"But you knew it would very soon?"

Jasper sighed loudly. "Yes."

Edward brushed away a few errant tears. "How long have you been thinking about leaving me?"

"I hoped it wouldn't come to this, Edward," Jasper whispered.

"How long?" he tried to sound forceful but his voice quivered with emotion.

After rubbing his hands over his face, Jasper looked at Edward again. "A few days … weeks," he acknowledged because it was true. He didn't think Edward would ever admit to their relationship.

"So if I tell my parents we're together, you'll stay with me?" Edward offered.

Jasper searched Edward's face. "You'd do that for me?" Edward's indecisiveness shone through. "I'm not going to force you to come out, Edward."

"I'll tell them soon," he backtracked.

Jasper continued to stare at his soon-to-be former lover.

"Well, perhaps when you finally do, you can let me know," Jasper said bitterly and knew he would hate himself for all this tomorrow or even later on today.

They both sat hesitantly for a few seconds. The only sounds to be heard were the ticking of the wall clock, their rapid nervous breathing and the pounding of their hearts against their ribcages.

"What will you tell Emmett?" Edward asked in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

Saying the first thing that came to his mind, Jasper blurted out, "That we needed some breathing space as we've lived in each other's pockets for four years now."

Edward was trying to be rational. If Jasper truly loved him, he would wait for him. "Are you giving me a time limit?"

"What do you mean?"

"Before you start dating other guys, I mean." Edward felt truly pathetic now. He had no right to expect Jasper to give him any more time.

Jasper felt angry. He hadn't thought about seeing anyone else. All he wanted was Edward. "I don't want anyone else," he said firmly, rising out of his seat and walking away from Edward.

Going into their bedroom, Jasper opened several drawers taking out handfuls of clothing and stuffed them into a holdall. He ripped several pairs of jeans off their hangers and shoved them on top. All the time he was convincing himself this was for the best. He couldn't go on living this lie with Edward. He wanted to be able to call him his husband one day and, at this moment, that seemed an impossibility.

When he came out of the bathroom after collecting his wash bag, Edward was standing in the bedroom doorway. Jasper could tell he was hurting already and he hadn't even left the apartment yet. Edward looked so sad, biting on his lip and trying not to weep. His hair was dishevelled - a result of his hands repeatedly dragging through it with worry.

"Jasper, I'm asking you not to leave me," he cried desperately. "I don't want you to go."

Jasper closed his eyes briefly to remove the distressing sight in front of him. Opening them again, he focused on finishing his packing and zipping up the bag. He had to go now before he changed his mind.

"I'll let you know when I'm coming to collect the rest of my stuff," he said matter-of-factly. "It might be best if you are out that day. I'll post the key through the letter box when I'm all done."

He boldly marched towards the door and brushed past Edward. Turning around, he said the words he never wanted to say, "Goodbye, Edward."

o0o

**Author's Note: Not sure if this will just be a one shot. I might write the back story to this or continue with it. **

**Let me know what you think :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**My First, My Last, My Everything**

**Greedy, demanding hoors wanting the backstory AND a continuation!**

**Seriously, folks, your response to the first chapter was amazing. I was overwhelmed by the reviews and the reaction from you guys. Well, it worked. Here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter Two**

As Jasper let himself out of their apartment, Edward stood in a daze. He half-expected Jasper to come rushing back in, shouting 'April Fool', as that was the sort of thing he would do. But as it was November, and Jasper would never play such a cruel trick on him, it finally dawned on Edward that Jasper had indeed left him. He'd left him because Edward could not publicly own up to the fact that he was gay. Not even to his parents or their close friends.

Feeling a surge of anger at his own insecurity and weakness, Edward lashed out physically. His fist forcefully made contact with the doorframe and he flinched with the pain pulsing across his knuckles. Holding his injured hand to his chest, he made his way into the bathroom with the intention of running cold water over the grazed skin. For a good five minutes, Edward stood there with water splashing over his hand as he stared at himself in the mirror. "You bloody fool," he cursed his own reflection. His hand hurt like hell, but it felt nothing compared to the intense ache he was experiencing in the middle of his chest.

After wrapping a towel around his hand, Edward drifted into the living room. He felt at a loss as to what to do next. Should he call Jasper or at least talk to someone? He wanted to go round to Emmett's place and demand Jasper come back to where he truly belonged - with him. But how could he explain this seemingly outrageous behaviour to Emmett without giving himself away?

Edward wandered around listlessly, looking out of the window for a few seconds, sitting down on the couch, but then getting up almost straight away. He ended up fetching a glass of water, determined to avoid any alcohol, and perched himself on the edge of the single armchair as he drained the glass. Slamming it down on the coffee table, he rose to his feet once more. As Edward looked around the room, he noticed many of Jasper's possessions and those they had bought together. His eyes drifted to a wall montage of photographs of the two of them, which he hadn't looked at for weeks now. In everyone of them they were smiling, happy and carefree, and to the rest of the world they probably looked like best buddies, but to Edward they were so much more than friends. They were lovers, partners, together. Now they were no more. He choked back a sob when he thought he'd never be with Jasper like that again.

As tears finally overcame him, Edward's head fell back onto the chair as he let them flow freely. Several minutes passed before he used the towel wrapped around his hand to wipe over his face and, even then, he continued to shed a seemingly endless flow of tears. His mind ran over his earlier conversation with Jasper and he tried to think what else he could have said to have avoided his current bleak situation. Jasper was usually so easygoing, they had hardly ever had crossed words in all the time they had known each other. Edward tried to think of anything else that could have happened over the past few weeks to have prompted Jasper's sudden emotional outburst today. The more he thought about it, the more Edward convinced himself that Jasper had not been his usual self recently. His mind irrationally came up with all sorts of scenarios which might explain Jasper's behaviour and, with it, paranoia set in, which eventually concluded that Jasper had found someone else.

Guilt rapidly followed, as Edward berated himself for casting uncorroborated aspersions against Jasper. "He wouldn't be unfaithful to me," Edward chided himself. "He left you because you're a weak and worthless piece of shit. He's too good for you."

Edward mopped his face again and headed off to the kitchen. Filling his glass with more water, he slumped back against the sink and gulped it all down. "So what are we going to do tonight?" he said sarcastically, deliberately talking aloud to himself. "Cook some food, watch a movie and get drunk?" he asked, although knowing that was already his plan of action. "Okay, scrambled egg and bacon rolls washed down with …" He opened the fridge. "Beer and wine, I think."

After opening a bottle of beer and taking several large swigs, he set about cooking his evening meal. Jasper and Edward had shared the cooking or they had worked together in the kitchen, so Edward was at least equipped with the culinary skills to fend for himself. He wouldn't starve without Jasper he told himself. He was able to look after himself; he knew how to operate the washing machine and the vacuum cleaner, which was more than his own father could do. He was trying to convince himself that he could cope without Jasper in his life and he was doing quite a good job, until it came to laying the table. He took out two sets of knives and forks and had actually placed them out in their usual positions before it dawned on him that he would only ever need to lay one set in future. For now he was on his own. Without Jasper. Without the love of his life. His first. His last. His everything.

After another bout of tears and cleaning up his dinner that he had thrown across the kitchen floor, Edward ate a bowl of cereal washed down with at least two bottles of beer. He opened the wine and made his way with it to the living room. Deciding not to watch a movie after all, he picked up a photo album - the one none of their family and friends had been privileged to see. The one which told their story. And if anyone should ever see it, they would have been in no doubt that Edward and Jasper were together. The look of love and adoration for each other, as well as some uncompromising positions would have certainly given them away. By the time Edward had looked at all the photographs they'd taken of themselves and guzzled back the bottle of wine, he was a blubbing wreck crying for the love he thought he had lost, but was determined to regain.

As he was hurling the last remnants of his stomach into the toilet bowl, Edward recalled the first time he'd drunk too much and hadn't done since until today. It was during his first week at college and Jasper had been there by his side as he threw up outside the student bar. Jasper had warned him to go easy earlier in the evening, but it was his first time away from his overprotective parents and he was determined to make the most of his new-found freedom. Edward had already taken a shine to Jasper, but after he assisted in getting Edward back to his dorm room even after Edward had been sick again all over Jasper's new boots, Edward knew that Jasper was going to be special to him.

Edward had realised he was gay many years before, but had never had the opportunity to act upon it until then. From the moment Jasper and Edward had met, when they sat next to each other during the principal's welcome speech, they had been attracted to each other. Jasper was as inexperienced as Edward in matters of the heart, and as the weeks turned into months, their love for each other blossomed. They resided in the same building on the campus grounds and were usually to be found in one or the other's room. Fortunately, there was a lock to the doors as many times they had to quickly scamper into their clothes when one of their other friends turned up unannounced. Edward was sure that Emmett had sussed them out. Despite his blushing cheeks and raised eyebrows, he had never said a word though. In fact, he was always teasing his virgin buddies, as he called them, and often tried to persuade Jasper and Edward to hook up with the friends of his numerous female conquests.

From the start, Jasper had wanted them to come out as a couple. He had no qualms with people knowing he was gay or being seen in the arms of the man he was growing to love. Edward, on the other hand, was reluctant and persuaded Jasper to keep their relationship to themselves, until they knew for sure where it was going, he had insisted. He was too embarrassed and ashamed to share an incident that had haunted him for many years even with Jasper, whom he told almost everything else about himself.

He had been in his first year at senior school, when Edward realised he was different from most other boys. He noticed the hair, the smiles and the developing bodies of the other boys in his class. Surreptitiously, he would ogle them in the showers after changing for sports lessons or in the swimming pool. He was thirteen when he had his first crush on a friend with long black hair and golden skin. To Edward, he was beautiful. At night, he dreamed of being alone with him. Of claiming his first kiss from those plump pink lips. And when they finally went for a bicycle ride alone along a quiet cliff top path, Edward summoned his courage to touch the boy's cheek when they paused for a rest. Fleeing with a look of fear and disgust, the boy returned later with his brother and some more of their friends only to heap ridicule and scorn and hatred upon him. Edward was spat upon, punched and kicked by the boys as they hurled abuse at him. His bike was pushed over the cliff edge never to be seen again. Edward feared he would soon follow, too. He was mortified - not that he had pissed his pants, but that the other boys noticed and continued to humiliate him that day and for many, many months afterwards. As a result, Edward withdrew into himself for the rest of his school days and never attempted to approach another boy again. It didn't stop him being gay, but it left an indelible mark that shaped his teenage years.

He was fortunate enough to have a few female friends who stood by him as the bullying and name-calling continued unabated at school. His parents worried about their son, but they never found out the truth or the reason their son became a recluse in all but name. They were overjoyed when Edward informed them of the new friendships he had formed during his first weeks at college. It was a new start for him. A new life. They especially welcomed Jasper and treated him almost as another son. They, of course, noticed the change he brought about in Edward immediately. He smiled radiantly once more and they felt life at last seemed to hold some interest and meaning for their boy. Realising after several home visits that Edward and Jasper were more than simply friends, but being loving and sensitive parents, they never pried into Edward's private life nor did they ever put him in an impossible position where he had to acknowledge or deny his sexuality. They waited patiently for their son to tell them the truth, but over the years they became saddened when he did not choose to willingly confide in them.

During the first and third years at college, Edward and Jasper had resided in the college accommodation, whereas second year students were required to live off site. Emmett located a three bedroomed house which they shared with two other female students. The girls shared one bedroom, Emmett had a room to himself and Jasper and Edward occupied the third bedroom, albeit in separate single beds. Emmett often introduced an unfamiliar girl to them at breakfast, who was unlikely to be seen again. The two girls had some sort of arrangement between themselves so they could have some alone time with any guys they had picked up, although on occasion Edward and Jasper were asked to give up their room for an hour or two due to poor planning on their part. Surprisingly, the two boys managed to find plenty of private time when they could explore their sexuality and develop their intimate knowledge of each other. Jasper usually topped and Edward became the needy bottom, who learned to bite into the feather pillows to muffle his cries of pleasure and sometimes the pain that went with their adventurous lovemaking. There were times when Edward's emotions and feelings for Jasper had to be channelled in a specific way and Edward forced himself upon Jasper, his need for release in this manner almost unexplainable. Jasper accepted Edward's desires and wishes in all things. He was not the lesser partner, however, submitting to the control of Edward. They discussed all things reasonably and took account of the other's feelings. The only thing upon which Edward did not relent was Jasper's wish to announce to the world that they were lovers. And because Jasper hoped one day that Edward would finally change his mind, he promised he would give Edward all the time he needed.

The shock of their separation and the realisation of how inconsiderate his actions had been towards Jasper prompted Edward into some serious soul-searching that evening. Despite his fear, Edward knew there was only one course of action open to him if he wanted to ever be in Jasper's arms again. As Edward lay in his bed - their bed - looking up at the ceiling and trying to ignore the pounding in his head, he tried to consider how he would approach his parents with the news that he was gay. Should he just turn up and blurt out the words or take them out for a meal and break it to them as gently as possible after plying them with lots of wine? He couldn't even tell them that he had a boyfriend any more, but he would tell them that Jasper had been his first. He wanted Jasper to be his last as well. If only he had Jasper by his side holding his hand, he was sure he would have had the courage to tell them. He was a fool for holding back all these years. Edward had a restless night in a bed which seemed so empty without Jasper, but by the time the first rays of sunlight entered his room, he knew whatever the outcome, he would tell his parents that he was gay and then he would seek out Jasper to tell him he was finally out of the closet. Then together they would tell their friends. He only hoped that he would have the courage to go through with it all. And that Jasper had not already found someone else to take his place.

o0o

**Author's Note**

**Hope that explains some of their backstory.**

**So, who wants to know what Jasper is feeling right now?**


	3. Chapter 3

**My First, My Last, My Everything**

**Chapter Three**

Jasper was about to turn around, when a flustered Emmett finally opened his front door. Jasper had been knocking and waiting impatiently for him to answer for at least five minutes. As his car was parked outside Jasper knew he was at home.

"Jasper! What's up, man?" he asked breathlessly. His hair was ruffled and Jasper noticed Emmett was wearing his t-shirt inside out.

"Sorry, have I interrupted … something?" Jasper apologised with sudden embarrassment.

"Oh, man. I've finally got this red hot chick into my bedroom. It's taken me days of sweet talking her," Emmett all but whispered to his friend.

Jasper offered him a smile. He should have called before turning up on his doorstep. "It's okay, Em. I'll catch you tomorrow," he said, turning to walk away.

Emmett showed signs of relenting. "Hey, Jasper. Are you okay? You don't look too good."

"I'm fine, Em," Jasper insisted, although Emmett could see he wasn't. "Have a good evening."

"I'll call you first thing so we can catch up," Emmett offered.

"Yeah, you can tell me all about-"

"Rosalie," Emmett beamed and, for the first time ever, Jasper thought one of his conquests might actually mean something to him.

"Damn," Jasper cursed to himself as he buckled up. As he weighed up his next move, he was tempted to call Edward to see how he was faring. He felt beyond guilty for leaving Edward so swiftly today, without any forewarning or time for him to adjust to their separation. He, at least, had been considering the prospect for a few weeks. Though if he hadn't left when he did, they would have continued in the same vein for who knows how long, Jasper reminded himself. Every time he closed his eyes, all Jasper could see were Edward's pleading eyes when he finally said goodbye to him. It pained him to think that Edward would be suffering on his own right now with no one to comfort him. As he started his car, he seriously considered going back to their apartment just to check on Edward. "No, give him time," Jasper instructed himself. "More bloody time," he said angrily.

Deciding to spend the next few nights in a cheap hotel instead, Jasper drove to the nearest one he could find. He registered with the receptionist, saying he would probably be requiring the room for three or four days. He hoped in that time he would sort out some temporary accommodation elsewhere as Emmett's place might not be the best option for him after all.

Within a matter of moments, Jasper had unpacked the few belongings he had shoved into his holdall and was soon sitting up against the headboard on the squeaky bed. He surveyed the bland room that lacked any feel of homeliness. He and Edward had spent the last year furnishing their apartment according to their shared tastes, but when it came down to it, Jasper thought very little of his possessions. Edward could keep everyone of them for all he cared. The thought of starting a new life without Edward had no appeal whatsoever, but if that was how Edward wanted it, he would damn well have to get used to it. Jasper thought he might be on his own for a fucking long time and he didn't like the idea one little bit. It had to happen sometime, he reminded himself. Better now than another four years further down the line.

He was angry with Edward, but he was angrier with himself. Jasper had been in a funk for a few weeks now brooding over a conversation they'd had over their arrangements for Christmas. Ever since they'd been together, they had spent the Christmas holidays separately, including last year, the first Christmas in their new apartment. They'd each returned home to their families for the best part of a week, and despite having been apart for longer at other times, Jasper felt Christmas was meant to be a time to share with loved ones. He had hoped this would be the year when they could stand side by side as partners and celebrate with friends and family in their apartment. When he broached the subject of Christmas, Edward, without batting an eyelid, said they would spend it with their families as they usually did. Even after Jasper explained his thinking, Edward shrugged off Jasper's suggestions as if it didn't matter to him. It was only for a few days, Edward had exclaimed and they would be together over New Year. This conversation hurt Jasper more than he let on, but over the following weeks the more he thought about it, the more he could see them spending every Christmas in the future apart. If Edward wasn't willing to come out this year, then Jasper doubted that he ever would. They had been together for over four years now and, as he considered it, he decided he didn't want to be spending Christmas and any other important celebration in his life on his own or at a distance from Edward.

After flicking through the television channels and finding nothing of interest, Jasper decided to visit the restaurant next to the hotel for his evening meal. He planned to have steak and fries and then head back to his room for the rest of the evening, but as the restaurant was crowded, he was seated at the bar to wait for a table to become available. He had knocked back a couple of Jack Daniels, when the guy sitting next to him offered to buy him another.

"Sorry, I'm not interested," Jasper said without even looking up at him.

"Just offering to buy you a drink," the man replied briskly. "Looks like you could do with one."

Jasper turned to look the guy straight in the eye to reinforce his statement. He thought about saying he was waiting for someone, but when he caught a glimpse of the hunk offering to buy him a drink, he hesitated. "I'm just waiting for a table," he lamely said instead.

Without a doubt, the man was good-looking, well-dressed and probably ten years older than Jasper. "Well, I'm just offering to listen to your troubles," he said smoothly and nodded to Jasper's glass. "Have another?" he offered.

If he couldn't unburden his woes upon Emmett, Jasper thought chatting to a stranger might work just as well. It would only be a few moments anyway before he would be called to his table. "Okay, thanks," Jasper said with a faint smile.

In the end, his companion bought them each two drinks while they waited, by which time Jasper had summarised his personal situation and was at pains to point out that he was not looking for anyone else to keep him company this evening or in the foreseeable future. The other guy accepted this graciously and introduced himself as Carlisle just before being called to the table he also had been waiting for. "Care to join me?" he asked casually and, as Jasper was decidedly hungry by this point, he agreed just as casually in return.

Jasper resisted the wine Carlisle ordered and ensured he drank a lot of water throughout the meal. He knew he had to keep a clear head for the rest of the evening and his wits about him. He would talk frankly to this guy, perhaps get some worldly advice from him and then never have to see him again.

By the time the two men were eating their main course, Jasper had relaxed considerably and was recalling some of his treasured memories of times with Edward. He focused on the more comic episodes and, before long, the two of them were laughing so much, it almost hurt.

"I'd forgotten all about the carton of orange juice so when I sat down on it, the damn thing burst and I had to sit in damp jeans for the rest of the flight," Jasper finished off one of the stories about himself that Edward never let him forget.

Carlisle chuckled as he drained his glass of wine. He poured Jasper a small glass and topped up his own. "Cheers! Here's to good times in the future," he toasted, and the two men clinked their glasses together. Jasper wasn't particularly optimistic about that, but he nodded anyway.

Carlisle didn't talk much about himself. He was happy to listen to Jasper's recounts, even if they were about another guy. As Jasper spoke to him, he maintained eye contact, enjoying the timbre of the other man's voice and his decidedly attractive mannerisms.

"The most embarrassing time was when Edward took me to a craft fair and we had a go at writing some calligraphy with an old-fashioned quill pen. Edward had written a beautiful script on some parchment, when I knocked the bottle of ink all over the table. I still cringe whenever I think about it and Edward loves to tease me about the incident. He says, he has never seen me blush so much as on that day."

"You're blushing now, Jasper," Carlisle was eager to point out, backing up his own pleasure with a cheeky smile.

As the evening wore on, Jasper relaxed in his companion's presence, but he couldn't bring himself to talk about tender or more personal moments with the stranger. He decided to leave that to his brooding thoughts later on when he was alone. For now, talking about the happier times seemed to ease the pain a little.

Eventually, Jasper moved on to share one of the happiest times of his life. It actually followed on from the orange juice incident. At the time, he'd thought it might be a prequel to a disastrous holiday for them. After graduation from college, but before moving into their apartment, the two lovers went on holiday to Mexico, and because they didn't know anyone there, Edward was demonstrative of his feelings in public. They held hands as they walked through the streets and the hotel complex, and even kissed tenderly on the beach. Jasper had hoped this was a sign of things to come for their new life together. He was saddened, however, when they arrived home and everything returned to how it used to be between them. Secretive and hidden and frustrating.

After a few more glasses of wine, Jasper was beginning to feel sorry for himself. "Being with Edward was perfect," he admitted to Carlisle. "When we were on our own he was at his happiest, too. He was not his usual buoyant self when we were with other people." Jasper fiddled with the menu as he told Carlisle about the time they had first decorated the living room together. "We had so much fun, chatting and laughing as we worked. By the end of the afternoon, we were covered in paint. Edward looked so sexy with paint in his hair and on his face. I had it up my arms and on my bare feet, but we were relaxed and so happy in each other's company, we didn't care. In fact, before we cleared up we got carried away." Much to Carlisle's delight, Jasper blushed again. "We started making out and by the time we had finished, the wall we had been pushed up against needed repainting and we definitely needed a shower," he recollected. "My mother turned up soon afterwards as we were clearing away and the difference in Edward was astounding. He was reserved and withdrawn, almost a totally different character. I just want everyone to see what I see in Edward."

Carlisle turned out to be an excellent listener, nodding and commenting sympathetically every now and then. He shared a few of his own stories, but not the one which had left him with a broken heart. He doubted that Jasper would benefit from hearing that one just yet. The one that made him wary about falling for another man. This evening was all about supporting Jasper. And it seemed to Carlisle that Jasper would need a while to get over the man who had obviously broken his heart. Carlisle was patient. He had been waiting for someone like Jasper and he was prepared to wait a little longer.

"He's everything to me and I've lost him," Jasper choked after recalling this afternoon's breakup once more. He made the utmost effort not to fall to pieces in public. He knew as soon as he was alone his tears would flow freely.

Reluctant to be on his own, he joined Carlisle for a few more drinks at the bar. The man had gained his trust and he could see the beginnings of a new friendship forming. They exchanged telephone numbers on the premise that Jasper would let Carlisle know how he was doing or in case he needed someone to talk to.

Despite the amount of alcohol consumed, Jasper was still in control of all his faculties. "By the way," he whispered into Carlisle's ear, "I'm not into one night stands."

Carlisle nodded in amusement at the sightly drunken wobbling Jasper before him. "I wouldn't be foolish enough to take anyone on the rebound," Carlisle confessed truthfully. He thought he would probably give Jasper a few weeks at least before he approached him again, and definitely make sure he didn't ply him with so much drink next time.

He acted the perfect gentleman, finally escorting a slightly worse-for-wear Jasper to his room just after midnight. With his arms wrapped around him, he supported Jasper's weight as they ambled along the corridor. Even though he was in the arms of another man, Jasper thought of the time he'd done the same for Edward when they were at college. It had been the first time he had made physical contact with Edward and the memory made Jasper long for the arms of the man he loved.

Jasper said goodnight to Carlisle at the door to his room, thanking him profusely for being there for him tonight. Carlisle waited until Jasper had stumbled into his room before making his way to his own room on the floor below. He thought about inviting Jasper to have breakfast with him, but as he had an early meeting the next day, he decided against it.

By the time Jasper had stripped himself of his clothes and flopped onto the rickety bed, he was ready to crash out for the night. He checked his phone to see if Edward had called or sent him a message that he had somehow missed. The emotional exhaustion of the day combined with the alcohol helped send him to sleep fairly swiftly. Even so, he had a restless night, waking frequently, each time with Edward at the forefront of his mind. "You're all I need," he muttered as he tossed and turned in the uncomfortable bed. "Miss you so much."

Jasper woke to the sound of his phone beeping on the bedside table. He shot up and scrambled to see if it was the anticipated message from Edward.

_Thanks for your company last night. Perhaps we can do it again sometime. Hope you are okay this morning. C x_

Jasper read the message several times, searching for any hidden meaning in the words from his new friend. He was frustrated that it wasn't from Edward. He badly wanted to know how he was feeling and if Edward was missing him, too.

He thought that if Edward ever saw this message on his phone, it might give him the wrong impression, and because Jasper still held out hope for their reconciliation, he decided to erase it.

Jasper read the message again, debating whether to reply before he removed it. As his finger was hovering over the delete button, an incoming call interrupted his decision.

o0o

**Author's note: I know … but you can tell me anyway!**

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